Amazon Prime is delightful. Almost anything in the world can be delivered to your front door for free* within two days! (*”Free” as long as you pay the yearly membership fee. Maybe “free-ish” would be more accurate?)
But, can you have too much of a good thing? Here are a few signs that you might be buying too much on Amazon:
1. You are on a first name basis with your Amazon driver.–“Steve is running a little late today. I hope he’s not having problems with his gout again.”
2. When you order something not from Amazon, you get very angry if your order takes more than two days.–“What do they mean by ‘allow four to six weeks for delivery?’ Don’t they know it’s not 1978 anymore?”
3. You get jealous when an Amazon van is in your neighborhood, but it doesn’t stop at your house.–“Why is Brenda getting so many packages? Doesn’t she have any self control?”
4. You get more package tracking updates than you do texts or e-mails from family and friends.–“Hurray! The package is out for delivery! Oh, and I got an e-mail from Aunt Pearl, too.”
5. One of your favorite games is playing “What’s in this box?” (And you are right over 80% of the time.)–“I think the dishwasher soap and the diapers are in this box, and the shampoo and the gift for Aunt Myrtle are in that box.”
6. You are on a first name basis with the folks at the cardboard recycling center.–“Hi, Gladys! I love the new nose ring!”
7. You get angry when anyone expects you to pay for shipping and handling.–“Shipping and handling? Why should I have to pay for someone to ‘handle’ my package? What if I don’t want my package handled?”
8. You know where each Amazon warehouse is and how long it takes a shipment from each of them to arrive at your house.–“Oh, good, this package is shipping out of Louisville. They always do a better job of packing than the Denver warehouse.”
9. All of your Christmas presents are wrapped in Amazon boxes.–“I don’t know why anyone would ever buy a gift box. I’ve got plenty of boxes right here.”
10. When a Two-Day Shipping item takes more than two days to arrive, you check the package tracking at least twice an hour.–“It says it’s still in Salt Lake City, but it said it was in Salt Lake City four hours ago! It shouldn’t take four hours to get out of Salt Lake City!”
11. The mattress in your guest room is made entirely out of leftover packaging pillows.–“Timmy! Please stop popping the guest mattress!”
