It’s July. Does that mean it’s fire season, or fireworks season? The answer, of course, is both. And that’s the problem.
We wait until July, when the weeds are dried out and everything is at peak flammability, and then we send exploding fire bombs up into the air! And, just in case it wasn’t quite dry enough on the Fourth of July, here in Utah we let things dry out for 20 more days and try it again! (The 24th of July is a holiday in Utah called Pioneer Day; the pioneers were well known for hard work, handcarts, and extravagant firework displays.)
Why July? Wouldn’t it make more sense to light up the sky when the ground is covered with snow (some years) on Valentine’s Day or President’s Day? How about Thanksgiving? Wouldn’t fireworks go great with cranberry sauce? Maybe even St. Patrick’s Day when everything is green? Nope, we insist on dry July.
I guess it’s because America’s birthday falls on the Fourth of July. And for some reason, we’ve decided we should celebrate birthdays by lighting things on fire. We can’t even enjoy a good birthday cake without marring it with candles and flames.
And this year we’re celebrating an extra-special birthday: America’s 250th! It’s a great accomplishment, and it’s certainly worthy of celebration. But even the most enthusiastic patriot and/or cake maker would not attempt to put 250 candles on a birthday cake! Why not? Because it would be logistically difficult to fit that many candles on one cake. And, more importantly, trying to light 250 candles would be a bit of a fire hazard.
And while celebrating 250 years of America might seem like a good reason to light up more fireworks than ever, I think I’m going to give it a pass this year. (I don’t think we need any more fires around here.)
So, what can you do to celebrate that doesn’t involve fireworks? Here are a few suggestions:
Paint yourself red, white, and blue, then run through the streets. (But be sure to put some clothes on first.) (Maybe some red, white, and blue clothes?)
Have a pizza party! (Is there anything more American than pizza?)
Have a hot dog and apple pie party!
Do your best impression of fireworks by running around yelling, “Boom!” at the top of your lungs while throwing glitter in the air. (Then spend the next three months trying to get glitter out of everything.)
I know some of these suggestions don’t sound as exciting as fireworks, but I think it’s the least we can do to give our firefighters a bit of a break. (And our firefighters definitely need a break.)
