Back-to-school time can bring a wave of social anxiety among our children and teens. Transitioning from the comfortable summer routine of endless popsicles and late mornings, to the rigors of regular school and peer interactions can gently nudge, and even completely catapult a young person into unhealthy worry and fear when they think of the social requirements just around the corner.
Being frozen in social settings due to worries about fitting in, being cool, or feeling accepted is frustrating, but it’s common. We’ve all experienced it to some extent. School-aged youth returning to school can feel the weight of these emotions as they meet a new teacher, acclimate to a new school, or simply experience discomfort with the arrival of a new and unfamiliar season of life.
I don’t recall hearing the words “anxiety” or “being anxious” much when I was growing up. At least, these terms weren’t used as frequently as they are today. It seems our everyday language has expanded to include these words, reflecting increased awareness and focus on mental health and wellness in our society.
Without exception, each of our eight children has experienced some level of social anxiety while growing up. It can manifest in various ways, from vehemently refusing to speak in public to avoiding crowded gyms, classrooms, or meetings. It can come and go, often more pronounced during certain seasons of childhood.
While growing up, I remember being “a nervous kid” at times. It wasn’t debilitating or likely even noticeable, but I did have my anxieties and worries in public settings and among adults and peers. Looking back, I kept these feelings to myself because I was embarrassed and thought I was different from everyone else. It turns out, we all likely have a bit of this within us, which can surface during triggering or transitioning events. It can be confusing, frustrating, and embarrassing.
My own experience growing up and now raising a large family of youth has provided me with a few ideas that you might find helpful.
1. Educate yourself
Don’t remain clueless about what is happening. Find reputable resources to help you understand what to look for and how to assist your child. School counselors, online resources, or a trusted friend with professional training can be great places to start.
2. Validate your child’s feelings.
When your child shares their concerns with you, acknowledge their discomfort and frustration. Show your stability and be a grounding presence for them.
3. Name it and normalize it.
Once you have reliable information, label the issue and help your child or teen understand how common social anxiety is among young people today.
4. Use positive and affirming words that point to relief and stability.
Parenting is not for the faint of heart; it can be downright taxing, especially when a family member struggles with social anxiety or other mental health issues. Be calm, patient and present. Focus on small wins and noticeable progress. Your attitude will make a significant difference in both the short and long term.
5. Seek professional help as needed.
There are many resources available today. Your child’s school, your employer’s assistance programs or your family’s pediatrician are good places to start looking for professional assistance. Don’t hesitate to seek help. You might be surprised at how supportive people can be once you share what’s going on.
Change is inevitable, and we all respect this fact of life. Learning to navigate transitions, meet new people, and step outside our comfort zones—equipped with a few tools—will make the journey more manageable and enjoyable. May you be the strength and stability your child needs as this new school year begins.
Submitted By Eric Dyches (The Emily Effect)
