3 Ways Kids React to the Vacuum
I vacuum at least twice a year, whether I need to or not. You might say that I’m an experienced vacuumer. (Spellcheck doesn’t think “vacuumer” is a word. Spellcheck is uncorrect.) I also am a father of four, so I know everything there is to know about kids. (Ha!) So, based on my expertise with […]
Sleep: The Final Frontier
Sleep: The Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Parenthood. Its five-year [No] ten-year [Still no] lifelong [Yes!] mission: to explore the inside of your eyelids; to seek out sleep wherever you can find it; to boldly snore where no one has snored before!” Wait. Did you say “lifelong” mission? Really? Shouldn’t it […]
7 Ways Preschool Graduation Is Better Than High School Graduation
If you’ve ever been to a high school graduation, you know it can be a long, tedious, and boring production. That’s why I prefer going to preschool graduations. Here are seven ways a preschool graduation is better than a high school graduation: 1. Fewer than 50 graduates. It’s great that your kid is graduating, but […]
Shopping Carts Don’t Have Turn Signals
You don’t need a driver’s license to push a shopping cart, but maybe you should. Over the years I’ve spent my share of time inside grocery stores, department stores, warehouse stores, dollar stores, and even craft stores. And one thing I’ve found is that, no matter what kind of store it is, people don’t know […]
The Unwritten Rules for Eating At McDonald’s
Sometimes the call of the Golden Arches is too strong to ignore. We’ve all fallen for it, whether it be because we’re desperately hungry, we don’t have enough money to go anywhere else, or we’re longing for the comfortable familiarity of that boot-shaped McNugget. Maybe it’s the only place open at 2:00 AM, or we […]
It’s February: Get Your Summer Supplies Now While You Can
It’s February. Do you know what that means? If your answer is, “It’s time to get out the squirt guns and beach toys,” you just might work for Walmart! On a recent trip to said retail store, I was met with a fairly balanced variety of heart-shaped gifts and H2O drenching weaponry. To their credit, […]
They’ve Got My Number
I have a name, but no one seems to care. When I go to do taxes, they want my Social Security number. When I go to purchase something online, they want my credit card number. When they ask for my credit card number, they also want that super-secret three-digit security code number that’s on the […]
No, Really, I’m Not Making This Up
One bad thing about being a dad who likes dad jokes, is that sometimes I’ll say something and my kids won’t believe me because they think I’m trying to be funny-ish. Case in point: The other day I was telling the kids that when I was their age there were no such things as Chicken […]
When Deer Seek Asylum
I was awakened in the middle of the night. “Stay down. They might be watching,” I heard a voice say. “What’s wrong?” I asked, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. “They’re trying to kill me,” it responded. I’m not used to being woken up in the middle of the night, except by my wife’s dog […]
The Tradition of Santa Claus
Christmas is coming, and many take great joy in following the tradition of giving gifts from a jolly man named Santa Claus who lives in the North Pole and drives a flying sled led by reindeer. While the story of Santa Claus is fun and magical, it did originate with some truth – well, according […]