Previously, I wrote about a botched lake rescue that earned this non-swimmer the nickname of “David Hasselnott.” (See: slowjoe40.blogspot.com)
Today’s story is a little different because this time, I wasn’t the would-be rescuer.
Last fall, we were on a mini-vacation with my wife’s extended family. At one point we went to an indoor swimming pool. One of the features of this pool was a large, twirly hydrotube slide. The kids love these kinds of slides, and I did too—when I was younger. But, at that point I hadn’t been down a hydrotube slide for several years. The kids really wanted me to go down it, so I decided I’d show them I could have fun, too!
My biggest concern before climbing all the stairs to the top of the slide was the possibility of a weight limit. (I’m not as skinny as I once was.) Nothing is more embarrassing than getting to the top, then being sent back down the stairs due to being too big. (Or at least that’s what I thought at the time.)
So, I asked the lifeguard at the bottom if there was a weight limit. He said, “I think it’s 250 pounds,” which was almost exactly where I was at the time. But then he looked me over and confidently said, “But, I’m sure you’ll be okay.”
With that ringing endorsement, I climbed the stairs. I got to the top and waited for the go-ahead signal from the lifeguard. And then I went down the slide.
It was a nice, uneventful run, until I splashed out of the slide into the three-foot deep landing pool. I hit the ground and tried to stand up … but I couldn’t. Up seemed to be sideways. I hit bottom again and tried to stand up. Again, all I did was go sideways.
The next thing I know, I’m being pulled up out of the water into an upright position. The lifeguard had grabbed me and “saved” me from drowning in two-and-a-half feet of water! I looked around, and my family’s looks of concern quickly changed to laughter.
Embarrassed, I started to walk away, but the lifeguard supervisor told me to go over to the bench and sit down for a moment. I said I was fine, but he insisted, saying that because the lifeguard had touched me, they needed to file a report. So, I reluctantly sat and answered his questions.
“How old are you?”
“Old enough to know better.”
He asked a few more questions, then ended with, “Next time, just be a little more careful.”
I replied with, “Oh, there’s not going to be a next time.” That’s the last slide for David Hasselnott!
