Here Are Some Columns I Won’t Write
“My first “Funny-ish Files” column was published in July of 2015. (It was a story about how dandelions had taken over my lawn.) I’ve been writing this column for almost eleven years. That’s at least 125 columns and well over 50,000 words. I’ve written about a wide variety of things, like “5 Things To Do […]
We Could All Use a Little Change
I’m a grumpy old man. If you don’t believe me, just take a look at the picture of me that usually accompanies my column–a grumpy old man yelling at his phone. One thing that makes old men grumpy is that they get set in their ways. Grumpy old men don’t like things to change. The […]
One Ingredient Can Make a World of Difference.
A while back, I got up early one morning and thought I would be a good husband/father and make breakfast for everyone. My wife came across a recipe several years ago for something we call “oatmeal bake.” It’s a dish of oatmeal in a cake-like form: thick, but not too sweet. We usually top it […]
I’m Dreaming of a White-ish Christmas
I’m dreaming of a White Christmas. Sort of. It’s pretty simple: I like the look of fresh snow on the ground at Christmas time. But, I don’t like driving in the snow. And so, I’m dreaming of a White Christmas. Sort of. I’ve lived my entire life in either Utah or Idaho, so I know […]
I’ve Got a Few Boxes In My Garage
My garage is not clean. I should probably work on that. The last time I tried to clean the garage, I was amazed by some of the things I found in there. I found some Diet Coke that expired in 2021. I found a backpack for carrying toddlers (that my youngest child outgrew before 2021.) […]
Some Things I Remember; Some Things I Don’t
Recently I was spending some quality time on Facebook. (I was probably procrastinating doing something important, because that’s what Facebook is best for.) As I was scrolling past all of the political posts I agree with, the political posts I don’t agree with, and the ads for things I don’t want or need, I came […]
Which Disney character are you?
When my oldest daughter was two or three years old, her favorite Disney character was Goofy. So, to make her happy, I started developing a halfway decent Goofy impersonation. (The key to sounding like Goofy is to pronounce the word “gosh” as “garsh.”) (Go ahead, give it a try.) She liked Goofy so much, that […]
How to (Poorly) Prepare for the Apocalypse
The other day, the power went out for about eight hours. It was only eight hours. It wasn’t the end of the world. It shouldn’t have been a big deal. And yet, it kind of was. Between the power outage and the whole COVID experience a few years ago, I feel fairly confident that my […]
I Think I’m Getting Old
How old? I’m so old that if I wanted to watch television, I had to stand up, walk across the room, and pull on a knob to the right of the screen to turn the television on. If I wanted to change the station? I had to walk across the room and turn another knob […]
Love: What Exactly Is That?
It’s February! That means Valentine’s Day is here, and love is in the air. But what, exactly, is love? That’s a question that has been asked many times by people a lot smarter than I. But, I’ve got a few answers: Love is looking over the menu and knowing exactly which two things your spouse […]