Which Disney character are you?

When my oldest daughter was two or three years old, her favorite Disney character was Goofy. So, to make her happy, I started developing a halfway decent Goofy impersonation. (The key to sounding like Goofy is to pronounce the word “gosh” as “garsh.”) (Go ahead, give it a try.) She liked Goofy so much, that she would often demand of me: “Be Goofy, Daddy.” So, I was frequently Goofy. (It wasn’t a big stretch for me.)

But, Goofy isn’t the only Disney character I’ve self-identified with. For years, I’ve told people that I’m just like Maurice, Belle’s father from “Beauty and the Beast.” Why Maurice? Well, my daughter is beautiful, smart, and loves to read books—and everybody thinks her father is crazy. (And now I have TWO daughters that could fit the description of Belle, so that doubles my potential Maurice-ness!)

Luckily, I have a better sense of direction than Maurice, so it’s unlikely that I’ll find myself stumbling into some dark, scary castle because I’ve gotten lost in the woods.

If I may be so humble, another Disney character I have similarities with is Mr. Incredible, from “The Incredibles.” How so, you ask? Well, like Mr. Incredible, I’m big and strong. (I have the strength of ten men—ten very weak and feeble men, but ten men nonetheless.) Also, I’m more than a little pudgy, and have a hard time fitting into my old super-suit. Plus, I have some amazing, super children, and a beautiful wife who is more incredible than me in almost every way.

Also, at any given time I’m likely to be between 42.9% and 57.1% of the Seven Dwarfs. No, those aren’t some random numbers I pulled out of thin air: They’re equal to either three or four of the Seven Dwarfs. (Yes, I did the math.)

Which Dwarves? Well, I’m almost always Dopey, Sleepy, and Grumpy, and occasionally I’m Bashful. There are moments when I’m Happy, but when that happens I’m usually not Grumpy anymore, maintaining my four out of seven ratio.

There is one more Disney character that I would LIKE to share some similarities with, but I don’t just yet. And it’s not someone you would probably guess. I would love to be compared to Sleeping Beauty. That’s right, Sleeping Beauty! Now, if you’ve seen the picture of me yelling into the phone that accompanies my columns, you’ll know that “beauty” isn’t a word that’s usually used to describe me.

But, I would LOVE the opportunity to lay down and take a long nap without worry of being awakened by my friends, neighbors, kids, or passing wild animals. I’d love to be Sleeping, even if I’m not a Beauty.