There are two forces that drive all human behavior.Two invisible forces directing nearly every decision you make, every habit you keep, and every action you take. If you learn to control them, you can become the person you have always wanted to be.
These powerful forces are pain and pleasure.
Every choice we make is driven by one of them. We are either trying to avoid pain or move toward pleasure. That’s it. Every behavior, every habit, every excuse, every victory.
And here’s the truth most people don’t realize: In most cases, the need to avoid pain is a greater motivator than the desire for pleasure.
Think about it. We procrastinate because we believe taking action will be more painful than doing nothing. If I don’t try, I can’t fail. If I never start, I never have to face the possibility that I’m not good enough. Doing nothing protects us from that pain, so we stay where we are.
We eat and drink whatever we want because the pleasure in the moment is sweeter than the pain we imagine later. The taste of the food, the soda, the energy drink, the alcohol. That moment of enjoyment outweighs the future cost to our health, our weight, or our well-being—at least in our mind, it does.
The problem isn’t that pain and pleasure exist. The problem occurs when they control us instead of us controlling them.
If we want to change our lives, we have to learn to control these motivating forces. We have to change the story we are telling ourselves about what hurts and what feels good.
Most of us are reacting to old conditioning—habits we created years ago and stories we’ve repeated so often they feel like truth. But, the moment we become aware of how pain and pleasure are shaping our behavior, we gain the ability to take control.
You have to shift your mental focus. You have to make it more painful not to act than it is to stay comfortable. When you do that, everything changes. Success isn’t eliminating pain and pleasure. Success is using them instead of letting them use you.
If you want to start taking control of these forces today, there are four powerful questions you need to ask yourself.
First, what pain have you associated with this in the past? Second, what pleasure have you gotten by not following through? Third, what will it cost you if you don’t change? How will that make you feel? And fourth, what will you gain by taking action right now?
These questions force you to look honestly at your habits and the emotional drivers behind them.
But I don’t want this to be another article you read and move on from. I want you to stop right now. Think of at least two things in your life that you want to change. Write them down, and then ask yourself these four questions, because this is where change begins.
While you’re thinking, I want to give you an example from my life that may sound trivial, but for me, it represents exactly what I’m talking about.
Recently, I decided to stop drinking soda. Sounds simple, right? For me, it wasn’t so simple. In fact, this was something I had been doing for decades. I enjoyed my soda and honestly didn’t care much for water. Pleasure was clearly winning that battle. So, how was I going to change the pleasure of drinking something I loved into drinking something I disliked?
I had to change my pain point.
Let’s walk through the questions.
First, what pain had I associated with quitting soda in the past?
I didn’t like water. I didn’t enjoy juice or milk either. Quitting soda meant headaches because I relied on caffeine. It meant giving up something I enjoyed. It felt like deprivation.
Second, what pleasure had I been getting from continuing to drink soda?
The taste. The caffeine boost. The routine of grabbing a drink with a friend. Even emotionally, it was tied to comfort. Bad day? Let’s go grab a soda.
Third, what would it cost me if I kept drinking soda?
Weight gain. Obesity. Type 2 diabetes. Heart disease. Inflammation. But the one that hit me the hardest was something I had read suggesting there may be a link between soda and dementia.
I have always had a deep fear of outliving my mind.
As I get older, I already notice moments where the right word escapes me. That idea — losing my mind — was a pain point powerful enough to shift my thinking.
Finally, what would I gain by changing?
I began linking drinking soda to the possibility of dementia and linking drinking water to a healthy mind and body.
Suddenly soda represented pain and water represented pleasure. That shift changed everything.
It has only been a little over a month, but I am already drinking 80 ounces of water or more every day. I’ve only had soda twice. The interesting part is that both times it didn’t give me the pleasure I expected. What I feel now is something much better.I feel healthier. I have fewer stomach issues. More than anything, I feel confident because I’m keeping my word to myself.
That may be the greatest reward of all.
Just imagine what becomes possible when you start controlling the forces that control everyone else.
When you decide what pain means. When you decide what pleasure means. When you take back the power that has been shaping your life all along.
Janae is a force for anyone tired of shrinking. After 12 years in the corporate world, she didn’t just walk away—she broke out. She chose purpose over predictability, growth over comfort, and the life she was meant for over the life she was handed.
Her book, “Rise Believe Become,” is a battle cry for those ready to reclaim their confidence and step into their power with both feet. Her YouTube podcast, Dreams Don’t Expire, delivers the “truth with heat,” claiming that your dreams are still alive, your potential is still massive, and you are not done—not even close.
