I want you to pause for a moment and do a simple exercise.
Write down the five people you love most right now. Now look at your list. Did you put yourself on it? If you did, what number were you? And if you didn’t … why not?
For so many of us, this question hits harder than expected. We are quick to name our children, partners, parents, friends, coworkers—anyone who depends on us or matters deeply to us. But when it comes to ourselves, we hesitate. We downplay our needs. We assume we don’t count. Somewhere along the way, self-love was confused with selfishness, and self-care became something we would “get to later.”
But later keeps getting postponed.
Why Self-Care Isn’t Optional
Self-care is not bubble baths and spa days (though those are lovely). At its core, self-care is what allows us to function, to show up fully, and to stay emotionally and physically healthy.
When practiced consistently, self-care prevents chronic stress; supports emotional well-being; allows us to care for others without resentment; creates space to reconnect with ourselves; increases productivity and focus; strengthens immunity and physical health’ builds self-esteem; deepens self-awareness
In other words, self-care isn’t an extra; it’s a foundation.
When we neglect ourselves, we don’t become more selfless—we become depleted.
And from depletion comes burnout, irritability, disconnection, and eventually illness or emotional shutdown.
Thirteen Steps Toward Real Self-Love
Achieving self-love isn’t about perfection; it’s about intention, awareness, and daily choices.
1. Stop comparing yourself to others. Comparison steals joy. Your journey is yours alone.
Ask yourself: What am I doing today to improve my own life?
2. Release the need for approval. You cannot make everyone happy. Focus on the one person who has to live with your choices—you. Ask: What do I truly care about?
3. Give yourself grace when you make mistakes. Mistakes are teachers, not proof of failure. Ask: What did this experience teach me?
4. Remember your worth is not tied to your body. You are valuable because you exist, not because of how you look. Ask: What do I truly value most in life?
5. Let go of toxic relationships. You deserve supportive, respectful connections. Ask: What would I gain by letting this go?
6. Process your fears instead of avoiding them. Fear loses power when examined. Ask: How is holding onto this fear serving me?
7. Trust yourself to make good decisions. You know your life better than anyone else. Ask: Is this choice based on pressure or my genuine desire?
8. Take opportunities—or create them. The timing will never be perfect. Ask: What am I waiting for?
9. Put yourself first. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Ask: Will the world really fall apart if I take time for myself?
10. Feel both pain and joy fully. Emotions are messengers, not identities. Ask: How does ignoring my feelings serve me?
11. Exercise boldness in public. Your voice matters. Ask: Why would my voice be less valuable than anyone else’s?
12. Notice the beauty in simple moments. Gratitude shifts perspective. Ask: What am I grateful for right now?
13. Be kind to yourself. Speak to yourself like someone you love. Ask: Why is it acceptable to treat myself worse than others?
Releasing Self-Care Guilt
One of the biggest barriers to self-care is guilt. We feel guilty for resting, saying no, or choosing ourselves.
Some mindset shifts that help are to reframe self-care as refueling, not indulgence; see it as essential, like food or sleep; model healthy behavior, especially for children; treat yourself like a friend, not a burden.
Some practical strategies include, starting with micro-moments (minutes of quiet, deep breathing, or a short walk); schedule self-care and protect that time’ set boundaries and communicate needs clearly; acknowledge guilt without obeying it; ask for help so you don’t carry everything alone; shift from constant “doing” to intentional “being”
Putting Yourself Back on the List
In order to make sure that you take time for yourself, it’s important to take some simple action steps including, creating a list of small activities that recharge you; scheduling one self-care moment for tomorrow—right now; and find an accountability partner who supports your growth
I would like you to revisit that list of five people you love most. If you didn’t put yourself on it, I encourage you to ask why. If you did—but not at number one—ask what would need to change for you to believe you deserve that spot.
Because loving yourself doesn’t take love away from others; it multiplies it. And you are worth being on your own list.
About the author: Janae Warner is a force for anyone tired of shrinking. After 12 years in the corporate world, she didn’t just walk away—she broke out. She chose purpose over predictability, growth over comfort, and the life she was meant for over the life she was handed.
Her book, Rise Believe Become, is a battle cry for those ready to reclaim their confidence and step into their power with both feet. And on her YouTube podcast, Dreams Don’t Expire, she delivers the truth with heat: Tour dreams are still alive, your potential is still massive, and you are not done—not even close.
Bold, direct, and fiercely committed to waking people up to their own greatness, Janae doesn’t just inspire change—she ignites it.
